me

This is why I'm hot. This is why I'm hot. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot. I'm hot 'cause I'm fly, you ain't 'cause you not. This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot.

I like music. Good beats and clever lyrics make me happy.

But I've noticed that listening to popular music over long periods of time actually brings down my demeanor. Sometimes it even depresses me. Hmm.

In an attempt to discover why, I looked at the

most common themes in Popular music today.

Here they are:

Pop:

1. girlfriend/boyfriend

2. broken heart

3. look at me

Hip Hop/Rap:

1. sex

2. drugs

3. look at me

Country:

1. broken heart

2. clever randomness

3. sentimental wallowing

Rock:

1. anger

2. revenge

3. depressive reflection

It was quite revealing when I stopped and thought about what popular music teaches. It screams and screams and screams and screams and screams, and yet for all its screaming, it preaches a single message:

ME

I had to take a moment to let it sink in.

And then I fought:

"But country music makes me feel good."

"But rap music makes me feel important."

"But pop music makes me happy."

"But rock music calms my anger."

Yet I realized I was trying to defend the 'value' of mainstream music based on the way it made me feel. If popular music has 'value', why does it bring me down? Yikes.

I believe I had bought in to the ME mentality. If music makes me happy or calms me down, it does so not because it has value, but because it has power. Yea, speak that name which I love above all else:

ME

...and all is well. Until, of course, I realize that life does not actually revolve around me. Then I become despondent. And when life begins to lose meaning, I look around and wonder why and why not and what's the point, because I know that life is about more than just me but all I can see is myself.

I've been there a thousand times. Blech.

Now, I still love popular music and listen to it all the time, but whenever I am feeling unfulfilled and depressed, boy am I thankful for Christian music (even though I can't stand half of the popular stuff these days). What a novel concept! That I can sing along with, bob my head at, dance to, and laugh over, music that preaches GOD! How relieving. Listening to God music actually de-stresses me and brings me hope, because it shifts my focus from ME to HIM. Whereas I can not bear my own burdens, He took my sin on His shoulders when He gave up His life; He can bear my burdens and He does. Whereas a world which revolves around me does not make sense, He created the heavens and the earth; it's only right that the world revolves around Him

And so, by listening to music about Him, I acknowledge Jesus as Lord of my life, and I am instantly filled with His love and peace which surpasses understanding. And it's all because I choose to stop looking at

me

venture

Ok, so I'm trying to come up with some ideas for a small business venture. I'm thinking I should copyright my smile and sell pictures of it all over the world, or at least the United States. I'm uncertain as to whether or not I'd have enough time to invest in so large an expenditure, but I'm a willing pupil.

All you business men and women out there, I need some help! Do you have any ideas for me? I need an idea and I need it fast!

Rent is due in two days.

As always, drop me a comment and let me know. :D

PS. Jack and Jonathan - your profiles are private and I can't view them. Are you hiding something? *wink wink. If not, would you either make your profile public or add me as a friend? I love reading my friends' blogs! :D

comment

I did it. Again. I actually prayed that God would humble me. The first time I did it, I went skiing the next week and hit my head. It took me two years to fully recover. The second time, something else rather tragic happened, although I can not fully recall the scenario. I'm positive I prayed it a third time at another point, and again, something distinctly large and rather disastrous ensued, although again, I must confess my memory remains foggy.

Tuesday or Wednesday. I can't remember which. I prayed it again.

"God, please humble me."

Today on my way to church, it began to rain. Hard. Now to properly set up the situation, you must understand that since Friday, nothing has been working just right in my life. Nothing exceedingly large, just a mountain of small-scale "mishaps". All at once. And for the past two weeks, I also have not been getting much sleep or finding time to relax or have spontaneous fun, and last night was especially frustrating, inasmuch as I thought I was going to finally get decent sleep, but when I awoke I felt anything but refreshed (am I the only one who is unable to sleep more than 5 hours without waking up to use the restroom?).

Ok, now it will make a bit more logical sense to you when I say that I was in a sour mood this morning. So anyway, I'm driving in the rain and I'm only two blocks from my church. Now I have a rather interesting mind at times, and seeing as I did not want to walk into church feeling heavy, I decided to play a little game with myself to "lighten the mood." That's right, I decided to play, "let's see how well I drive without using my windshield wipers." TRUE STORY.

Can you say 'stupid'? Ok, for the record, I've played this game almost every time it's rained, but this morning, considering my sour mood, I continued to drive without my wipers even when I could not properly see whether I was in my lane, and I also sped up until I was traveling the speed limit exactly - 45 mph.

Wanna take a stab at what happened next?

comment.

heathen

Last night I felt like a heathen:

The skating session was over and most of the people at the rink had cleared out. I was chatting gaily with one of my co-workers about different songs we should add to our mixes, and right as I mentioned that "Yeah!" by Usher would be a good Friday night song, a woman who had been eavesdropping stepped up to the counter and offered her opinion condescendingly:

"What ya'll really need to play is some Tobymac."

...and with that remark, before I had a chance to respond, she whipped around and walked her kids out of the skating rink.

yikes!

green card

I’m a man; that’s a responsibility.

I’m an American; that’s a privilege.

I’m a Christian; that’s a responsibility and a privilege.

As a man, I am responsible to reject passivity, accept responsibility, lead courageously, and expect the greater reward: God’s reward.

As an American, I am privileged with all the wonderful rights we Americans possess. Here are a few of my favorites: the right to vote, freedom of speech, expression, and religion, the right to protest, the right to remain innocent until proven guilty, and the right to a speedy trial.

As a Christian – a citizen of God’s household – I am responsible to act in a manner worthy of the calling I received, and privileged to exercise my God-given rights in Him among my fellow citizens. My favorite responsibilities are: “Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself”, and “Go therefore into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.” My favorite rights are: forgiveness, freedom from sin, an intimate relationship with God, guardian angel(s), renewed desires, knowledge and understanding of love, joy, peace, grace, and mercy, and finally, the ability to live for Someone not myself.

Have you ever thought of Christianity as your birth certificate – or better yet – your green card?

“So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God’s household, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus Himself being the corner stone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, is growing into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit.”

-Ephesians 219-22

a car i photographed

my men's group

court

I represented myself in court today and won.

actually, my officer did not show up.

.BUMMER.

I worked many long hours carefully gathering details, preparing my case, and practicing my presentation. I was READY to WIN!

ironically, I won without a fight.

proactive

I'm breaking the rules. I have to say some things I wouldn't normally say. My motto has always been, "less is more", and I still believe it, but I admire those unbound by it.

Allow me to reveal my reflective side:

I am afraid. Afraid to drive you away. The more I present the less you respect me. I think. So I hide behind the art of ambiguity. And I stay on the offensive.

Do you see that in me? Are you aware of my insecurity? I have found security in keeping you guessing.

But that is changing... hopefully.

I will always be this way, but I am learning how to turn it off when I need to get the job done. This is one of those times. I feel I must speak up.

...so here goes

--

If the President of the United States held a microphone to my face right now, asking me to share my most recent discovery with the world, I would say this:

"Be proactive!"

...and as much as I am tempted to end this post with those two words, I would like to explain myself briefly. That is, if you don't mind listening.

Solomon said that life is meaningless without God. Translated, I believe Solomon meant this:

"When you decide you understand the meaning of anything, you are wrong. I know this because I've tried. I have sat and pondered the meaning of life for years and years; ever searching for something immovable: something of meaning. I pursued every single whim; I chased every single desire; I lived for every single moment. The world told me this was happiness and meaning, and I believed it. But with each new passion I followed, I felt more and more used. I felt manipulated. Tricked. Nothing made me happy. Nothing. All it did was make me angry.

"I don't think I would have reached the point of decision if I hadn't tried everything the world offers, so stubborn am I. But fortunately, with all the wealth, influence, and ability I needed, I was able to taste everything. Finally, I tasted enough to understand one truth: 'Happiness is a lie.' Happiness truly does not exist; it is simply a byproduct.

"Allow me to finish my story. After giving myself everything I wanted and finding less meaning than I had prior to my splurge, I became deeply depressed and sullen. My depression lasted until I faced suicide, and after wondering if killing myself would bring meaning to my life, I finally thought about my thoughts. I actually stepped outside of the small world in which I'd been living and sought to please someone other than me.

"Finally, I felt good. It was an internal pleasure, wholesome and pure. And I was able to sleep. I knew that I had found something worth pursuing. As I worked to please others, I realized I was pleasing God. Don't ask me how I knew that; I just knew. I felt clean. And I wanted to continue putting others before me.

"It took me longer than I hope it takes you, but at least I finally realized that nothing on earth fulfills. That's because it's free. And nothing free is worthwhile. It's only the things that are expensive and costly that are worthy of pursuit. This bears repeating: if you are not working hard, you will never be fulfilled. Don't be lazy. Don't be selfish. Don't believe anyone who says happiness is free. It's the most expensive and costly pursuit you can ever find. Because it's the byproduct of hard work.

"Be proactive!"

--

Amen, Brother Solomon! I couldn't have said it better myself.

prison

It may be anger

It may be lust

It may be sorrow

It may be trust

Whate'er it be

O lay it down

You'll be set free

You'll be unbound

where

Where does inspiration come from?

fool

What an inspiring concept! Everyone should hear this; it would surely motivate them to change! I can especially see this person and that person getting a lot out of this! Too bad I'm the only one here; I guess everyone else is missing out...

Those are my inner thoughts every time I'm exposed to something motivational: "someone else really needs this"; "someone else would really benefit here"; "someone else is missing out".

...but if it's so good, why don't I take it to heart?

Have you ever done that? Have you ever been so eager to pass on acquired knowledge that you failed to benefit from it yourself?

I used to know a whole lot about God.

...but that was before He was my friend.

you

I was a bad friend.

I needed you to give.

-LOVE-

Now I love to give.

Now I am not afraid of you.

pretzels

They say life is like a bowl of chocolates. I'd say it's more like a bag of pretzels. 100 calorie pretzels, that is.

I sat down and considered my life in detail the other day.

-have you ever done that? Reflection saves lives.

I asked myself why sometimes I'm happy and other times I'm sad.

-if it was a simple choice, no one would ever be sad.

I found that my best moments have followed my worst moments.

-without pain, there's no appreciation

I found that my worst moments were due to bad choices.

-feelings lie

I concluded that the only way to happiness is through hard work.

-at least with hard work, you choose your pain.

Take a close look at the 100 calorie pretzel bag. What do you see?

"0g Fat, 0g Saturated Fat, 0g Trans Fat, 0 mg Cholesterol".

Unappetizing, but nutritious. 100 calorie pretzels tell us that the bland, unpleasant, and yucky stuff in life is not only healthy, but necessary for happiness. It's difficult to see now, but just wait until tomorrow; the next time you look back on today, those 100 calorie pretzels will appear delicious.

You'll see.

Daddy,

I just want you to know that I am growing up. I see the evidence of growth everywhere I look. Thank you for setting me up for success and training me in love through much pain and chastening. I am rather fond of your discipline these days, and I trust you unlike ever before.

I'm so glad you are my daddy.

Love,

Eric

Son:

I love you more than you know. You are special to me, and I am proud of you. You've been trying to run away from me for over four years now, and you've left some messes in your wake, but finally you're back where you belong. You should have known you could never lose me. I made you.

Now that you are broken, you are finally useful; it is time for you to learn how to trust me, which means giving up trying to control your life and everything you see. Let go of your pride every day, let me guide you, and I promise you this: your life will brim with joy, excitement, fulfillment, and adventure. Oh, it won't be easy, but it will be far more rewarding than when the Damned one had your heart shrouded in darkness. You will finally have a good reason to get out of bed in the mornings and experience life. You will breathe deeper than you've ever known was possible; you will smile bigger than you've ever smiled before; you will once again be thankful for the life you've been given; for you thought you were alone, but now you know I am with you. In me you will be filled with peace and joy and life.

Will you trust me, son?

With love,

Daddy

no.

no.

NOOOOO!

don't. bring me. to this. I. don't. want. to be here anymore. I've taken. all I can handle. The pressure. is too much. I can't. keep it in. any longer. I. am. utterly depressed. and. desperate. I am. falling in pieces. I'm. broken.

-

("I love you, son.")

-

(help me). oh help me anyone.

'you don't need help. you know what to do. just end it all.'

No, not you, Damned. You never helped me! You are a worthless drug!

help me Someone.

'i'm telling you, you know what to do! now DO IT!'

NO!

I CAN'T LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE!

I WON'T LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE!

GET AWAY FROM ME, SNAKE!

GO TO HELL!

---

"I love you, son."

---

O. help me, J...

please. help. me.

help me Jesus! please rescue me from myself.

-Yours